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The Mike Tyson – Jake Paul Fight: The Real Loser
Mike Tyson was doomed from the start. Imagine the optics of a legendary Junior Olympian and world champion pummeling a YouTuber like Jake Paul—hard to come out of that looking good. People would be saying, “Congrats, Mike, you just knocked out a guy who unironically vlogs his breakfast.” Winning was a PR disaster waiting to […]
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US Vice President Kills US Secretary Of Treasury. US Military General On Trial For Spying AKA Treason AKA Sedition AKA Espionage
Ah yes, American politics—the original reality show. A U.S. Vice President kills a U.S. Secretary of the Treasury. Sounds like a far-fetched plot twist, right? But nope, that was Aaron Burr, the VP, putting a bullet in Alexander Hamilton, founding father and Treasury genius. They called it a “duel,” but it was basically the 1800s […]
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Never Worked Before. Won’t Work Now. The 1798 Sedition Act
Oh, a crackdown with the Alien Act of 1798? Sure, just like President John Adams did. And, you know, that turned out great for him. Nothing says “wise political strategy” like using a vaguely authoritarian law to target your own citizens. Adams aimed it at his political enemies, of course, thinking it’d be a foolproof […]
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It’s Coming. Don’t You Understand!
We have to get out of here. And soon. Because something is coming.
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Religion Banned
Religion is banned. Can you believe it? Probably not. But then again, neither could all those folks in China or Russia way back when. And now here we are—welcome to the club. Turns out, if history has a sense of humor, it’s definitely dark. Oh, but don’t look so surprised. The Bible said this was […]
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Unfinished Business
There’s just one loose end left. That bull, the one with hooks buried deep in its jaw, being dragged toward the slaughter. Eyes wide, like it somehow knows the game’s over. But hey, after we finish that little piece of slaughter, we can finally roll up our sleeves and get down to the real business—the […]
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The UN: Gone Forever
The UN has collapsed. Shocking, right? I mean, who could have predicted that a room full of diplomats bickering over table arrangements wouldn’t exactly bring world peace? Somewhere along the line, they decided they’d step in as the world’s moral referee—aiming to replace, oh, just Jesus Christ himself. And we all know how that goes: […]
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Civil War Imminent
Slavery’s back, and where else but California—the land of sunshine, tech startups, and, apparently, revisiting history’s worst ideas. It’s as if someone thought, “You know what would really spice up the state known for overpriced coffee and avocado toast? A healthy dose of involuntary servitude.” And just like that, the ghosts of past wars are […]
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