Author: jokerundastairs
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He’s Coming For You, CNN.
You just couldn’t keep your head down, could you, CNN? When Trump ascends to his throne of “tremendous power” (his words, of course, delivered with the subtlety of a sledgehammer), and things don’t go his way because of you, oh, you’d better believe you’re going to get it.
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I’ve Achieved The Greatest Peace In The History Of Peace. Tremendous Peace. Unbelievable Peace!
In a world spiraling into chaos, Donald Trump stands at a golden podium—gleaming and gaudy, much like his promises. With his signature pout and the confidence of a man who thinks ketchup is a vegetable, he declares, “I’ve achieved the greatest peace in the history of peace. Tremendous peace. Unbelievable peace.” Behind him, the skies […]
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Law
No Unions Or Human Rights Allowed!
Here’s a quick illustration of Cedar Point Nursery v. Hassid. Imagine you’re a nursery owner, minding your own business, watering your prized saplings. Enter stage left: the government, clipboard in hand, announcing, “Congratulations! You’ve just been awarded the privilege of sharing your property with whoever we say, whenever we say. But don’t worry—it’s not all […]
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Law
Lochnerism
Lochnerism is basically when the Supreme Court decides to turn the Constitution into a choose-your-own-adventure book using the 14th Amendment’s liberty clause. They say, “We’re here to protect freedom!” But then the existential crisis kicks in: What even is freedom? The Constitution doesn’t spell it out, so the Court just kind of wings it.
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Apps
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Skynet Lite: DIY Revenge, Courtesy of ChatGPT
Need a quick-and-dirty Terminator to hunt down your nemesis? Forget complex AI labs or cyborg assassins from the future—all you need is a marker and a webcam. Just draw a grid on the floor, slap a target on your foe’s location, and aim your webcam at the setup. Take a picture, feed it into ChatGPT, […]
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Mike Tyson: The Heavyweight King of Goofball Promotions
Mike Tyson might just be the smartest guy in the room—or at least the richest. He pocketed $20 million for a Netflix showdown with Jake Paul, proving that boxing these days isn’t about belts, it’s about bank accounts. Forget heavyweight titles (which, by the way, Tyson still has plenty of); Mike’s turned the sport into […]
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The Mike Tyson – Jake Paul Fight: The Real Loser
Mike Tyson was doomed from the start. Imagine the optics of a legendary Junior Olympian and world champion pummeling a YouTuber like Jake Paul—hard to come out of that looking good. People would be saying, “Congrats, Mike, you just knocked out a guy who unironically vlogs his breakfast.” Winning was a PR disaster waiting to […]
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Exterminate!
Marxism? Dead end. Capitalism? Also a dead end. Really, take your pick—both roads lead straight off a cliff. Look at Russia: they tried the whole “workers’ paradise” thing, got a taste of it, and then went sprinting back to capitalism like someone who realized their “vacation” was actually a multi-level marketing scheme.
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