A truly devoted mother will move heaven, earth, and the occasional ribcage to give her darling boys whatever their twisted little hearts desire—toys when they were tots, bikes when they were teens, horror comics when they were bored, R-rated slasher flicks when they were hormonal, and enough cheap beer to drown a small fraternity when they finally grew into full-blown psychopaths. And in return? Her sweet, strapping sons will cheerfully do anything: run errands, mow the lawn, dispose of inconvenient houseguests with garden shears, or just generally turn any quiet holiday into a crimson-soaked family reunion—because nothing says “I love you” like a matching set of filial devotion and felony-level body disposal.