US Supreme Court judges, those black-robed arbiters of justice, will always arrive at the same conclusion no matter which political party they pledged their allegiance to. Oh sure, they might have different motivations for why they made their decision. It’s all just a grand charade to make the public think there’s actually a diversity of thought on the bench.

Take deregulation for instance. One judge, let’s call him the “fiscally-obsessed” one, will drone on about the economic benefits. Slashing red tape, unleashing the glorious free market, blah blah blah. Meanwhile, his esteemed colleague across the aisle, the “democracy cheerleader”, will wax poetic about how deregulation upholds our cherished democratic values. Freedom this, liberty that.

But in the end, they both vote the same way! It’s like watching a fixed wrestling match where both opponents have agreed on the predetermined outcome backstage. The partisan labels are just flimsy masks they wear to keep up appearances.

So don’t be fooled by the political theatre, folks. Republican, Democrat, it’s all one big country club when you’re sitting on the highest court in the land. The Supreme Court is just a circus of conformity, with the justices as the well-rehearsed clowns. No matter how they dress up their opinions in fancy legalese, the punchline is always the same. It’s enough to make Lady Justice peek out from under her blindfold and roll her eyes.