Nestled in the picturesque middle of nowhere, “Devil Times Five” presents a heartwarming tale of found family, where criminally insane children bond over shared secrets and secret codes. The film thoughtfully explores the emotional depth of characters like David, a cross-dressing chess prodigy whose devastating loss to Harvey is punctuated by a tantrum so grand it redecorates the floor with chess pieces. All this unfolds under the blissfully oblivious noses of the adults, whose diagnostic skills are so keen that they only suspect the little angels might be homicidal after one of them, say, turns up brutally murdered. The patriarch, Papa Doc, runs homes for the “mentally retarded,” which apparently includes a stellar internship program in slave labor, proving that charity and a cheap workforce are a match made in heaven.

In the cinematic gem “Devil Times Five,” viewers are treated to a heartwarming public service announcement disguised as a horror romp: please, for the love of all that is holy, don’t let the “Ralphs” of the world procreate. Ralph, the lovably retarded hired hand, serves as the film’s cautionary mascot. When a busload of criminally insane kids survives a crash and decides to redecorate a remote cabin with the viscera of their guardians and gatekeepers, the movie connects the dots with the subtlety of a sledgehammer. The implied thesis? Society must draw a line at the gene pool, lest we be overrun by an army of Ralph’s aka retards and his new retarded little friends. It’s a family values message, really, if your family values include eugenics and child-led homicide.