Oh, absolutely, John Adams was the picture of restraint when it came to using the Alien Acts to silence critics. He only signed into law an entire suite of measures conveniently tailored to target his political opponents, but surely, it wasn’t personal, right? The Alien Friends Act, for example, which let the President deport any immigrant deemed “dangerous”—what a total coincidence that many of those immigrants just happened to support Jefferson and the Republicans. Pure chance, I’m sure.

To know your future you must know your past.

And then there was the Naturalization Act, which extended the waiting period for citizenship from 5 to 14 years. Was it aimed at suppressing Republican-leaning immigrant voters? No, no, that was just Adams being a responsible statesman! He was just concerned about national security, not keeping pro-Jefferson immigrants from ever casting a ballot. What a coincidence that these “dangerous” foreigners happened to criticize Federalist policies.

Let’s not forget the crown jewel of this authoritarian masterpiece: the Sedition Act. This little gem made it a crime to say anything “false, scandalous, and malicious” about the government—otherwise known as “criticism.” Sure, dozens of Republican journalists, editors, and even a sitting Congressman were arrested for daring to question Adams or his administration. But that wasn’t about silencing dissent, no sir! Adams was just protecting America from the real danger: free speech.

Of course, Adams himself didn’t deport anyone under the Alien Friends Act—because why bother when the mere threat of deportation could intimidate critics into silence? He didn’t need to personally wield these tools; the laws spoke loudly enough for him. And while Adams probably didn’t personally send police to drag Republican journalists to court, you can bet he wasn’t losing any sleep over it either.

So, did Adams use the Alien Acts to quiet dissent and target Jefferson and the Republicans? Oh no, he was just being a patriotic defender of order and virtue. The fact that these laws conveniently undermined his political rivals? Just a happy little accident.